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01:55 pm
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new fangled boxers...
I usually jump over the fence, occasionally go through the gate, but today is the first time I slid down the rain spout.
Current Mood:  bat-tired...
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06:55 pm
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Best innuendo ever slipped into an afternoon drive-time weather update:
High today, 93. Tommorow's high 90. Tonight, 69 if you're lucky."
Current Mood:  unlucky...
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10:48 pm
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fuck you thunderstorm!
It took me 250+ exposures, but the only pic I got of last night's storm is frelling awesome.
Current Mood:  impressed
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10:04 pm
[Link] |
while standing in the queue one day...
While waiting in line at a City of Chicago payment center to get my vehicle sticker, the two ladies behind me pointed out how easy it would be to rob the place. Then they went into detail on how to pull off the caper. I had the biggest of smiles when the older of the two said, "And look at the guards. No guns. And they're all soft. My place has been stuck-up enough times that I know the types that wont do anything..."
Current Mood:  feh...
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12:35 pm
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it's a fact:
The wrong straw can ruin your milkshake drinking experience.
Current Mood:  contemplative
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05:28 pm
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andy rooney, part II
I got a container of the deodorant I use and it was emblazoned with "Best Formula Ever!" After rolling it on I discovered that the best formula ever of "unscented" deodorant is now "turkish street pimp."
And my brand of soap has done another geometric reconfiguration to give the consumer less soap for the same price. Two years ago it shrank from a rectangular bar to a tapered lozenge. Now it's a concave lozenge. I unwrapped the bar and it looked like it had been left in the sink under a dripping faucet for 6 hours.
Current Mood:  unacceptable!
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11:22 am
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stimulated...
Opened my mail box and found my George Bush check under my George Bush check is on the way letter. I'll probably do something totally un-American with it, like buying books or putting it all in the bank.
Current Mood:  stimulated...
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08:56 pm
[Link] | I'd fire that stupid accountant if I he didn't work for so cheap....
Current Mood:  confused
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11:20 am
[Link] | Ummm... Dammit.
Current Mood: confused
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11:11 pm
[Link] | Today management announced that due to the building's new security measures, we can no longer bring mp3 players, radios, or personal electronics to work. After break a manager said, Come on everybody, let's go! Time to rock and roll! I replied that we can't rock and roll anymore. You guys are taking away all the music.
Current Mood:  mmm... cold front
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06:04 pm
[Link] | One of the drivers at work has been bugging me about a horse poster. During the Triple Crown races UPS was naturally sponsoring the thoroughbred Big Brown. After he won the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness, the corporate tie-in buzz was in the air. Our building got about 500 Big Brown buttons, a Big Brown UPS poster, and bunch of fliers saying to support BB at your local off track betting. If he had won the Belmont, the company was poised to roll out commercials, plushie toys with the UPS logo, and other asinine stuff. Of course BB choked at the third race, and dreams of the fastest mascot in the shipping business went the way of the glue factory.
The following week the driver started asking me if I've seen the poster we got. He claimed to be a horse racing fan and wanted it for a keepsake. Today after asking again for nth time, he finally admitted that another driver said it was going for about $90 on eBay. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I threw away the poster the day after the race.
Current Mood: shitty...
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02:48 pm
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this would never have happened with an 8-track...
I just got off work and was about to start the BeaverMobile(TM), when I noticed a faint hissing sound. It seemed to be coming from behind the dash board. The oh-no-it's-cancer part of my brain immediately identified it as all the freon leaking out the air conditioning system. Or maybe a leaky radiator hose. Angry wasp nest? The longer I listened, the more unsure I was about the source. After a brief and unsuccessful search, I started the car and hoped nothing dropped off or exploded before I got home.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
I got to the garage and turned off the engine. The noise had stopped. I pretty much live by the policy of out of sight (or hearing), out of mind, and went upstairs for some pre-noon drinking. When I opened the refrigerator the noise came back. Oh no... Maybe it actually is cancer.
The don't-even-joke-about-it-being-cancer part of my brain kicked in and started throwing out comparatively benign (knock on wood) explanations like tinnitus, or loose bridgework picking up radio signals from- Ohhhh...
I pulled the mp3 player out of my pants pocket. The radio tuner was on and pumping maximum volume static out of the headphones.
Well played Mr Sansa. Well played...
Current Mood:  d'oh!
Current Music: [ssssssssssssss]
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05:37 pm
[Link] | For the second week in a row, my gas/groceries budget has become my gas/ more gas budget.
Current Mood:  ramen!
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10:59 pm
[Link] | A cold, wet, rainy night in June. Just what I needed to start off the week.
Current Mood:  cold, wet, in the dark...
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09:57 pm
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the most outrageous statement I've heard all week...
"mustard is the most disgusting condiment ever created."
Current Mood:  they put mayo on ranch dressin
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08:37 am
[Link] | CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!
stupid tequila...
Current Mood: sleeping in action pants
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07:06 pm
[Link] | Another vacation is coming to an end. Didn't go out of town, get blindingly drunk, or cross paths with the law (unless you count tripping a red light camera). Yet oddly, I'm almost dead broke. Feh. At least there's only a 4 day work days next week.
But before this week's gone, I have roughly 30 hours to do something furlough-worthy or have that just won $7000 on Wheel of Fortune and spent it all on ceramic poodles feeling for the rest of the weekend...
Current Mood:  tail-coats?!?
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09:57 pm
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wendy's has turned me into andy rooney...
For a few years now you go to a fast food restaurant and order french fries freedom fries chips, and don't get ketchup unless you ask for it. Just one of the many ways they try to meet thier bottom line. So I find it hilarious that when one does ask for a packet, they are rewarded with a fistful of 10-16 (not counting the ones that get dropped).
Ha. Meet thier bottom line... I just got that.
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07:42 pm
[Link] |
the corolla triangle
Three weeks ago I lost a small pouch that carried a 500 MB memory card a lithium-ion battery. After an exhaustive multi-day search I finally wrote it off as forever lost. Today I hop in the BeaverMobile(TM), reach over to fasten the seat belt, and spot the pouch leaning against the cup-holder.
I had searched the entire interior and trunk (and windshield fluid reservoir for good measure) roughly 57 times without results. Now it's just... there. Like it had been there forever.
I've come to the conclusion that either my car is sapient and hides stuff for mere shits and giggles, or I'm the target of an Illuminati plot that's ultimate goal is to discredit a process that makes ethanol out of old phone books.
Current Mood: paranoid...
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05:11 am
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it's 5 am
and this place sucks...
Current Mood: worried
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d_beaver's journal